I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
