The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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