She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
