just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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