Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
