Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
