goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
