i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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