I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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