When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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