I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
