Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
