God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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