so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
