I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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