i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
