Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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