He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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