My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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