If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
