I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
