you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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