i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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