But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We don't watch enough power rangers
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
