best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
