I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
