So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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