he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
