Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
