He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
