happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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