Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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