Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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