i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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