Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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