worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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