I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
