i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
