do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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