So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
