i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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