oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
