You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
