just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
