Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back