Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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  (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr
  Replies (66) Good night (5628) Bad night (1192)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.

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  (504): Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon. http://tfl.nu/mwyy
  Replies (19) Good night (1200) Bad night (4258)
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  (951): View more from California

  There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.

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  (951): There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS. http://tfl.nu/ppbc
  Replies (63) Good night (6747) Bad night (704)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1886) Bad night (6708)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

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  (312): Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday http://tfl.nu/xsly
  Replies (11) Good night (3900) Bad night (1020)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.

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  (905): Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter. http://tfl.nu/3ad9
  Replies (4) Good night (2194) Bad night (1124)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"

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  (720): You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!" http://tfl.nu/9zop
  Replies (10) Good night (2354) Bad night (684)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.

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  (765): Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that. http://tfl.nu/51k0
  Replies (20) Good night (1598) Bad night (422)
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission

  (925): View more from California

  Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol

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  (925): I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission (925): Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol http://tfl.nu/zmin
  Replies (10) Good night (1834) Bad night (485)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.

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  (843): She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative. http://tfl.nu/fw1n
  Replies (1) Good night (275) Bad night (481)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.

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  (203): I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life. http://tfl.nu/lclu
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (272)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much

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  (647): im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much http://tfl.nu/vzm3
  Replies (6) Good night (238) Bad night (636)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.

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  (319): Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth. (1-319): And in your bra. It was quite entertaining. http://tfl.nu/axvu
  Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (168)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!

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  (330): Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess! http://tfl.nu/oyok
  Replies (1) Good night (845) Bad night (216)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?

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  (603): What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway? http://tfl.nu/5x4t
  Replies (1) Good night (225) Bad night (461)

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