Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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