Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize