I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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