i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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