I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
