If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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