I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
