Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
