The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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