I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
