two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
