yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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