grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
