we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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