he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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