If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
