We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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